true friends stab you in the front

hey u.

have you ever felt like you’ve betrayed, let down, or truly heartbroken by someone you thought you were once close with?

a couple days ago, i hit up my ex. i thought we were still friends. the conversation went like this:

hey what’s good?

why?

why what? explain yourself i’m confused

nothing, you just usually don’t text me

i see. hope you’re doing well

i’m fine

good:)

why do you care if i’m doing well?

idk, maybe because we’re friends?

are we?

¿i thought we were? what is up???

nothing.

is something wrong? ¿like do you want to tell me something because i’m listening

no forget it.

you can avoid the question, but it still lies there. i care about you, i just want to know if you’re doing okay. whatever you want to tell me, say it, i’m not going to play this game anymore. i truly hope everything is alright. feel free to answer and stop lurking anytime.

{never replied}

it hurt that he felt so indignant towards our relationship and acted like i was out to end his life (he broke up with me). i just wanted to have a friendly conversation!

there’s been lots of drama in my classes recently, and the people i once thought were my friends, have chose to completely disregard me.

this conversation just added to that, and for me, enough was enough.

i wasn’t going to allow people to take hold of my emotions just to toss them in the trash anymore. i was going to take control of my relationships, and actually choose who i wanted to spend my time with.

i needed a break from the tragedies at school.

i took to the beach, at least what we call a beach here in texas. grimy sand, murky water, (welcome to the gulf coast), however, much less toxic than the environment i spent my time in back home. i walked to the pier and took a seat atop the wood of the pier, legs dangling, staring at the seemingly never ending ocean. i had my journal, and began to answer two questions that were replaying in my head,

(1) what is an acquaintance?

and

(2) what is a friend?

under the first space, i wrote

“a friend is someone who is loyal, compassionate, honest, opinionated, sincere, loving, optimistic, and a good listener.”

under the second space, i wrote

“an acquaintance is someone who may have humor, opinions, knowledge, beauty, or wealth, however do not have the characteristics a friend would have; they also may have good intentions, but bad reasoning.”

i felt like these were good answers to both questions, as the few strong relationships i have with my true friends have been held together by these characteristics, and the many weak relationships i have with my (now) acquaintances are dictated by the materialistics.

i then followed up on the next page with two more questions,

(1) who are my friends?

and

(2) who are my acquaintances?

i then began to list the people i had relationships (friendships + acquaintanceships) with, and quite honestly, the results were astonishing. the many people who did not fall under the list of whom i would call true friends had the same stark characteristics of those i would call my acquaintances.

it was really eye-opening and allowed me to think of how i was going to allow others to affect my life. i choose to accept positivity in my life, and the toxic, negative vibes many people were bringing to it needed to be given some space.

i came back from my trip feeling so much more energized, full of life, and positive than ever (so much so that a few people at work and class thought i was high).

take time today to re-evaluate your relationships.

are you drowning in toxic acquaintanceships or living life to the fullest with incredible friends?

ttyl

xo

 

 

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